Listening to ===========>>>>>>>>> Fifteen ::: Taylor Swift






You know.. I'm one lost puppy. This whole thinking so much thing really sucks. If I had to speak honestly, I would say that right now I feel so alone. It may be that I made it this way or maybe it just happened that way. Though I really do feel alone. The thing is that I am trying not to let it effect me. Like is it suppose to be this way? Like am I supposed to learn from this and become more independent? That's how it appears to me. Was never one to set aside my pride and beg. It's really hard for me to show that I need someone. I hate that feeling so much. I rather be alone than let people have an advantage over my emotions. If that makes any sense. So I guess alone it is right? Its cool though. Maybe its for the best. Really couldnt tell you if it was. Just can tell you I feel really alone right now. Alone..Distant.Outsider..




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Questioning a lot of things right now... Having a gut feeling. Just cant work up the courage to follow it.....

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Fairytales are Rumors...

Listenin 2 =======>>>>>>> Everything_ Fefe Dobson

You heard of butterflies? How about rainbows? OMG has anyone told you about cinderella and the prince? Matter fact how about the one where people say you can get what you want and be happy?





Puleeeezzzzz! tell that person to stop lying to you and you shud like be really really mean to them for doing such a thing like giving you hope =/






Today I said something and it wasn't until a little while ago did I learn how true it is.





Life isn't always about what you want to do. You do what you need to do.





As pessimistic as that sounds, its true. Can you honestly say people walk around here with smiles as bright as day skipping to their lou? No you cant. You know why? When you grow up you learn that you have to take responsibility for your actions. Now that always seem to get in the way of your wants right? Coincidental? I think not.As bad as it sounds that's life. Honestly, I wish i can sit here and get everything I dream of. Realistically, I know that's not possible..




It just hurts..... Really hurts..... You grow up though......You learn.....The tears do not come as much.....The pain does not shock you...You just keep it moving and go on to the next day...






Life I tell you.......









On another non depressing note... I am totally loving fefe dobson! coooooL.. siigh always find these people when they aren't putting new albums out... but yeaaaaa.. still loving her riight now. just love her vibe and how her music makes me feeeL =] but thats about it...

Reporting from NJ

Listening to: "Everything"- Marques Houston
* note* starting to reallly like him =]



This is Pikachu reporting from the deck of a unamed hotel in Wildwood, NJ. Everythings has been cleared. Stars are bright. Pool is shining. The breeze is great... such a beautiful night....

ALL's CleaR!!!!!!!!!!

lol... im bored ignore me =] but what ii said is true.. right now im on some mini 2 day vacay in wildwoood new jersey today... wanna know how my day went??? was on the boardwalk as soon as we got here.. loved that.. smh though prices out here were a little expensive but hey? if they payin im not complainin LOL...thought ii hate walking it was cool went to the casino learned ii can surely make it over there. walked the boardwalk. played those boardwalk games.. blah blah blah.. but when morning come surely will be in the pool/beach then iim hittin those rides. that rollercoaster was calling my name.. all ii did was walk by and it was like tatttttyy whisperin so only ii can hear LOL.. but yea... thats about today. its cool to be away from it all. to get a break despite how short it is. like i dontknow how life is going to be when i get back. things can surely change but whateeever! tomorrow is not promised. yesterday is not clear. but today i am content and happy.. thats something i can say hasnt been occuring for a while.. and we both know the reason =] but yeaaaa niight niight time for me to go into the room.. tty tom mornin..

this is Pikachu signin out......

Summmer BABE!

Listenin to: I did you wrong- Pleasure P
Rescue you - jake epstein


Its funny how things change I swear. Sitting here now looking back on the week, I would have never thought that any of what has happened would have occured in a million years. It really is surprising.Hey, its summertime. not going to regret anything. just ready to do what i want and feel. shooooot! only one year left on this side of town. might as well make it worth while right? well thats about it =]

Rewind,Play,Fast Foward... Which to press?

Listening to: Until I Get Over You- Christina Millian


Confusion describes exactly how I feel at the moment. I don't know which to press. Stuck in a state of turmoil, the choice isn't clear to me. At this moment, I would hate to rewind but I am surely not liking what's playing at the moment. So my only option is to fast forward. Unfortunately, this is scientifically impossible =/. Really don't know. Seems these days the only thing I can be clear about is getting the heck out of here and doing something with my life.

Leaving the Nest..

Inspired by: " I remember"- Keyshia Cole




Can't wait to leave for college.. this basically describes my exact feelings these days. I am ready to just go away far away. You know, I'm not going to be picky. It doesn't matter how far, I really just want to get out of here ASAP. I am ready for my adventure. Ready to start new things. Ready to be who I want to be. Tired of dealing with the same old. I know once I get out of here things will be different. That all my problems will becoming frivolous and wouldn't even matter anymore. Well that's what I am hoping.. If not guys, I am screwed! Trust me when I tell you that.. Well that's about it..

Sober.

Inspiration: Kelly Clarkson's song " Sober"

For the past few months, I have been sober. Thank the lord. Trust me it took a lot. It was one of the hardest things I think I had to do. I was so close to relapsing so many times. siigh... But i made it through. I was persistent.. and time helped keep me sober.. yea yea yea it would be so nice right if i didnt have a problem with being sober any more right? well i surely cant say that now. i am so close to a relapse i can feel it. my life is together. things r good. but just remembering how things were before makes me think twice about continuing to walk away? is it too much to ask for this to be one of those where its worth relapsing? where a happy ending comes out of it and you wont regret relapsing? that would really great if those stuff was true? thought it isnt. im quite aware of the real world. and in the real world fairy tales dont come true. those stories really don't exist. just created by someone with a very vivid imagination if you ask me.. hmmph.. too bad.. guess i will just have to keep resisting temptation and remain sober =/ so much for dreams..