Today's Words 12/7/09

Words of the Day:

Distant.Alone.Pain.Confusion.Disgust.Regret.Heartache.Fear.Anxiety.Despair.Mistrust.Doubtful. Hopeful Pessimistic.

Life.

Life.Pain.Hurt.Decisions.Confusion.Trust.Determination.....Faith.

If you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain - D. Parton

Listening to: Mary J Blige::Stay Down
Jason Derulo:: Watcha Say



Okaay..I was sitting here reading my fortune cookie after seeing my horoscope on facebook because I cant go back to sleep. You know the whole getting Markus a bottle woke me up. So I'm either up for the night or up for a little more. Either way back to the point. The fortune cookie said " If you want the rainbow, you must put up with the rain - D. Parton". You know that is so right. Right now maybe I am over stressing everything. It is just really hard for me to leave everything to chance. Don't really trust chance. Shoot. Hasn't been the greatest friend to me this year I guess. Anyways, either way I can't expect things to be beautiful now if I complain about going through the "rain" as the quote states. Granted things may not end up perfectly, yet I refuse to just throw it all away complaining. If anything at the end of this I will be able to say that I truly did give my everything. That is even harder for me. As my horoscope said, it's hard for me to hand over the reins and give up control. Like yesterday, you know, I may have acted a little catty and was nagging and all. Just my emotions were like all over the place. That is still not an excuse. At the end of the day I know who I am and shouldn't have let my emotions change that. Sometimes, I do question do I really know who I am and who I want to be. Basically, I am the epitome of one confused woman at the moment. It is so bad it is starting to effect my relationships with other people. Simply because I am so hard headed and refuse to share my emotions anymore if I feel its an issue I already talked about, I am lashing out over unnecessary stuff. Overall, the point is that I am going to try to stop stressing as much as I was before. Just going to try to focus on whats coming up. School. That's something that I wont have a chance to fix later on so I need to just get on that right now.. Senior year here I come right??

aim for the stars land on the moon

listening to -->> By the way :: Red Hot Chili Peppers




Yeaa.back again.. see i'm trying. getting better and better at the whole keeping up with a blog thing.. today was very something i guess. First and foremost ya must know im preparing for labor day weekend :) hopefully things come out good. really need to end the summer with a bang. Like i was reflecting on my summer and its funny how much things change. but yet hey? that's life right? the older the you get the less unexpected the unexpected gets. just idk wish things could have been different. though everything happens for a reason and who am i to mess with destiny and fate and all that... like idk just have been thinking about a lot of things these days. then i realized that my priority right now should be school and that everything else falls after. like i should have learned don't hold your breath and put yourself first which i am going to do from now on. like at the end of the day i am going to feel the way i feel but right now i don't need to be distracted on problems thats going to be here after. i am going to try to focus on school. i am supposed to be doing my homework right now and try to get it out the way. lets hope i stick to this right? well i am probably not but it was a nice thought. despite the slim chances of me following that i am still trying to aim for that. like they say aim for the stars and land on the moon.. :) senior year here i come.....

Listening to ===========>>>>>>>>> Fifteen ::: Taylor Swift






You know.. I'm one lost puppy. This whole thinking so much thing really sucks. If I had to speak honestly, I would say that right now I feel so alone. It may be that I made it this way or maybe it just happened that way. Though I really do feel alone. The thing is that I am trying not to let it effect me. Like is it suppose to be this way? Like am I supposed to learn from this and become more independent? That's how it appears to me. Was never one to set aside my pride and beg. It's really hard for me to show that I need someone. I hate that feeling so much. I rather be alone than let people have an advantage over my emotions. If that makes any sense. So I guess alone it is right? Its cool though. Maybe its for the best. Really couldnt tell you if it was. Just can tell you I feel really alone right now. Alone..Distant.Outsider..




>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>




Questioning a lot of things right now... Having a gut feeling. Just cant work up the courage to follow it.....

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Fairytales are Rumors...

Listenin 2 =======>>>>>>> Everything_ Fefe Dobson

You heard of butterflies? How about rainbows? OMG has anyone told you about cinderella and the prince? Matter fact how about the one where people say you can get what you want and be happy?





Puleeeezzzzz! tell that person to stop lying to you and you shud like be really really mean to them for doing such a thing like giving you hope =/






Today I said something and it wasn't until a little while ago did I learn how true it is.





Life isn't always about what you want to do. You do what you need to do.





As pessimistic as that sounds, its true. Can you honestly say people walk around here with smiles as bright as day skipping to their lou? No you cant. You know why? When you grow up you learn that you have to take responsibility for your actions. Now that always seem to get in the way of your wants right? Coincidental? I think not.As bad as it sounds that's life. Honestly, I wish i can sit here and get everything I dream of. Realistically, I know that's not possible..




It just hurts..... Really hurts..... You grow up though......You learn.....The tears do not come as much.....The pain does not shock you...You just keep it moving and go on to the next day...






Life I tell you.......









On another non depressing note... I am totally loving fefe dobson! coooooL.. siigh always find these people when they aren't putting new albums out... but yeaaaaa.. still loving her riight now. just love her vibe and how her music makes me feeeL =] but thats about it...

Reporting from NJ

Listening to: "Everything"- Marques Houston
* note* starting to reallly like him =]



This is Pikachu reporting from the deck of a unamed hotel in Wildwood, NJ. Everythings has been cleared. Stars are bright. Pool is shining. The breeze is great... such a beautiful night....

ALL's CleaR!!!!!!!!!!

lol... im bored ignore me =] but what ii said is true.. right now im on some mini 2 day vacay in wildwoood new jersey today... wanna know how my day went??? was on the boardwalk as soon as we got here.. loved that.. smh though prices out here were a little expensive but hey? if they payin im not complainin LOL...thought ii hate walking it was cool went to the casino learned ii can surely make it over there. walked the boardwalk. played those boardwalk games.. blah blah blah.. but when morning come surely will be in the pool/beach then iim hittin those rides. that rollercoaster was calling my name.. all ii did was walk by and it was like tatttttyy whisperin so only ii can hear LOL.. but yea... thats about today. its cool to be away from it all. to get a break despite how short it is. like i dontknow how life is going to be when i get back. things can surely change but whateeever! tomorrow is not promised. yesterday is not clear. but today i am content and happy.. thats something i can say hasnt been occuring for a while.. and we both know the reason =] but yeaaaa niight niight time for me to go into the room.. tty tom mornin..

this is Pikachu signin out......